


That Your Eyes Might Be Shining For Me

by yuletide_archivist



Category: Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-22
Updated: 2003-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 01:13:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1623695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for Autiotalo</p>
    </blockquote>





	That Your Eyes Might Be Shining For Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Autiotalo

 

 

Lawrence stayed below deck as the _Hardinge_ approached Akaba. He wanted to be staring eagerly at the shore and that seemed a good reason to stay in his cabin. Enough of his weaknesses were already known that he wanted to try to keep this one to himself. 

But he could not hide for ever and, as night fell, he put on his Arab robes and requested a boat to shore. 

The _Euryalus'_ sailors had nearly finished work on the pier they were building while their ship was stationed at Akaba and the boat came to shore by the first planted post. "You're a bit early," a sailor called across and Lawrence's crew laughed in return.   
 

* * *

  


He found Ali in what had been the Turkish commander's office and Lawrence paused, silent, to watch. Ali was seated at the desk, his forehead creased with thought as he stared into the shadowed corner of the room. 

Finally, Lawrence cleared his throat and Ali looked up. His eyes widened for a moment and Lawrence thought he would stand but he looked away. 

"You said you would be back in ten days," Ali said. 

"I know." 

"It has been more. Much more." 

"I know. I had..." It didn't matter. He had promised to be back in ten days and he had broken his promise. 

"The money came and yet you didn't." Ali finally looked up. "The money was enough to convince Auda that he should trust you." 

"Where is he?" 

"We decided he would be safer at Guweira. It seemed sensible." 

Lawrence's posture sharpened, a hound hearing the horn, and he took a single step into the room. "Who decided?" If it had been Auda, things would become vastly complicated. He could not be allowed to remove himself to safety on his own whim. 

"I did. Do you approve?" 

The harshness of the question penetrated. "I do. Auda is a coin we cannot spend lightly." 

A bark of laughter. "I did not think to hear you talk of spending any coin lightly. The men had never seen as much gold as you sent. They call you Abu Khail, you know. For the pictures on the coins." 

"Father of horses," Lawrence said slowly. "I would prefer to be father of freedom. And if that is what the horses buy, so be it." He finally stepped fully into the room. "How many men do we have here?" 

"I said the coin was enough to convince Auda." 

Lawrence stopped mid-stride. "But not you." 

"I was warned that you are not perfect. I should have listened." 

"I was making plans with the generals." 

"Plans for the Arabs to carry out. Perhaps you should have made plans with the Arabs." 

"No!" The word was out too quickly for Lawrence's explanation to be any more than fumbling but he tried. "Plans to get supplies here. There is food on the ship and more coming." 

"I saw the ship. I waited on the shore, when the first ship came. I waited when the second ship came. When this ship came, I did not bother. It told me how important you are in your world, that they send a four-funnel ship merely because you request it." Ali's voice was filled with bitterness. 

"The _Euryalus_ is for Akaba, not me. She will patrol here for the next six weeks. She is for _Akaba_ , Ali. It is Akaba and the Arabs that are important." And perhaps it would be politic to build his own status but that was for the others, not for Ali. 

"Aurens, please." Ali's eyes were shut. "Do not make me believe in you again. I can work with you without believing in you." He stood. "I will speak to you in the morning." 

"Where should I sleep?" It had been foolish optimism to think he would be spending the night with Ali but the disappointment was still harsh. He saw the light film of sweat on Ali's forehead and cheekbones, highlighted by the lamp's warm glow, and remembered the taste of it. 

"Tonight, on the ship." 

"And after tonight?" 

Ali didn't answer and it was nothing more than a hinted possibility but it was there.   
 

* * *

  


In the morning, the dark conversations of the evening before seemed impossible and Lawrence talked eagerly of the plans that had been made. Feisal was now under Allenby's command and would be moving his army to Akaba. Ali sat straighter at the news and his eyes burned fiercer. 

A supply officer, the man who had turned Wejh to a haven of order, was to do the same to Akaba. There would be no aeroplanes as yet - though, perhaps, one day not too distant - but armoured cars were to be aboard the _Euryalus'_ replacement as guardship. There would also be flour, grain, vegetables and the much needed livestock. Maybe even building supplies, to repair the ravages wraught by the Turks, depending on the size of the ship. 

Occasionally, Lawrence was tempted to say, "See? See what breaking my promise let me achieve?" But Ali was still too tense and there would always be a broken promise between them. 

"When does Feisal arrive?" Ali asked. 

"I don't know. His camel corps are already marching and the _Hardinge_ will soon be returning to fetch Jaafar Pasha and his army. But I think we can expect him soon." 

"Yes." Ali was almost smiling at just the thought. "We must make sure that Akaba is ready to receive him. He must have quarters here." 

Lawrence felt an uncomfortable thrust of jealousy and tried to hide it by burying himself in logistics. The boring shuffling of supplies could always be counted on to numb him to all emotional pain. "The supply officer will arrive with Jaafar Pasha's army. Until then, we must distribute supplies as best we can. And we must-" 

He was interrupted by a polite double-rap on the door. "Come," Lawrence called before remembering that this was Ali's office. But Ali said nothing and the door opened to admit a sailor from the _Hardinge_. "Sorry to disturb you, sir, but the captain said this was important." He handed a sealed envelope to Lawrence, who ripped it open to find a transcribed radio message. His face paled as he read it. 

"Thank you. Dismissed." 

The sailor saluted sharply, wheeled and was gone. 

"What is it?" Ali demanded. 

"Auda." Lawrence slammed the paper on to the desk. "This claims he deals with Maan, with the Turks. That he is a traitor." 

Ali considered the news. "He was bought to our side. Could he not be bought to another?" 

"No! I don't believe it!" Lawrence was on his feet and whirled to face Ali. "You said he trusted me!" 

"Auda trusts gold. You have gold. There is the possibility that the Turks have more." Ali shrugged. 

"We will ride to Guweira. Meet with him. The Howeitat are necessary for the defence of Akaba. We _need_ to know if we can trust him." 

"Take sufficient gold and you can trust him for now." 

Lawrence left without another word.   
 

* * *

  


They were mounted and travelling within two hours, just Lawrence, Ali and a token bodyguard of two Harith. Ali had fought for a larger bodyguard, pointing out that if Auda had changed sides, Lawrence had a price on his head. Lawrence had replied that if Auda had changed sides, no bodyguard would be large enough to keep him safe in the centre of the Howeitat camp and Ali reluctantly conceded. 

The Harith kept themselves a steady hundred yards behind and Lawrence could almost forget they were there. 

They had started early enough that it was still lunchtime when they arrived at Guweira. Auda, with declarations of suprise and confusion, urged them to enter his tent and lunch with him - though it was, he protested, only a mean meal and nothing that he would normally set before guests. 

Lawrence smiled at the feast set before them and, with the Howeitat around them, they ate gaily and talked with laughter of the war and the battles they had fought. 

"There is no fun in fighting the Turks," Auda said at one point. "They run at the first thrust of the sword." 

"And who can blame them for running from Auda Abu Tayi?" Lawrence asked the tent at large. "It is one of the few things in which they show sense!" 

The uproarious laughter and Auda's pleased expression made it plain he had said the right thing but Ali stayed silent and there was a cynical hardness in his eyes that did nothing to soothe Lawrence's discomfort. 

The meal took too long and Lawrence's impatience to address the matter meant his food lay uneasily. So long away had made him too used to English food and the grease that coated his fingers and throat made him feel nauseous. 

He watched Ali lick the grease from his own fingers and felt the heat rushing to his face. 

The tent was too crowded, too humid, too noisy. He longed for the silence of the desert and its dry, burning heat. It would never be hot enough to burn him entirely clean but maybe it would be enough for now. 

Ali caught his gaze and paused. 

For a moment, the noise of the tent faded away and it was just the two of them. Then the moment passed but Lawrence knew he had seen trust in Ali's eyes, even if it was for no time at all. 

The food was gone but stilll people stayed and talked until Lawrence, stretching, mentioned that he was tired and needed to sleep. Taking their cue, the tribe's leaders filed out, salaaming their respects to Lawrence and Ali as they went. 

As the last one left, Auda turned to his guests. "So," he said. "And what is the true purpose of this visit? For, Aurens, word has reached me of how busy you are." Auda leaned back and Lawrence was irritated by the smugness of his expression. "We Howeitat are not isolated, you know." He laughed uproariously, as though at a great joke. 

Lawrence studied the carpet for a long moment before looking up. "Come with me to the fort," he said abruptly. 

Auda looked taken aback. "We can talk here," he said, head raised aggressively. 

"You will not want this to be overheard," Lawrence said softly. "And you know that people will be listening." 

Auda's eyes narrowed as he considered the matter. "You will not talk here?" he said slowly. 

Lawrence met Auda's gaze and held it. "No." 

"Then it seems I have no choice." As he stood, he looked at Ali. "And does the Harith come? May he hear what my own people may not?" 

"The sharif comes," Lawrence said shortly but he gathered himself and continued, "Surely Auda knows that, as a sharif, Ali ibn el Kharish is above all tribal affiliations?" 

"Ha!" But Ali's face was darkening and Auda sensibly said no more. 

They remained silent as they strode through the tents and out towards the fort. Lawrence lifted his face to the sun and gloried in its fierce beat on the sand and the water of the reservoir and perhaps he should never have left his archaeology. 

"What is so important that you must be so secretive?" Auda demanded as they stopped. 

Lawrence dragged himself back to the present. "You have been in traitorous communication with the governor of Maan," he said shortly. "I need to know why so I can reassure the generals that you are not deserting us." 

Auda's mouth began to twitch and he glanced between Lawrence and Ali. "That is it?" he asked. "That is what is so important?" When Lawrence nodded, he collapsed into laughter. "Aurens, my friend! For you to worry so over such a small thing!" 

"You may consider treachery to be a small thing but I do not!" Ali snapped. 

Auda's laughter faded. "Is this so?" he asked softly, his voice filled with menace. "Do you truly believe me to be treacherous?" 

"No," Lawrence said before Ali could answer. "If I did, I would not have ridden into your camp virtually alone. I came to ask what purpose this correspondence serves, that I might confirm Feisal's belief in you." 

Auda settled to the floor, casting a final suspicious glance at Ali. "It is a long tale, my friend Aurens. Sit down and make yourself comfortable while I tell it." 

Lawrence did so. 

"My cousin, Mohammed, is a greedy man." Auda raised his arms in an elaborate shrug. "He is wealthy already but feels he has not enough. He feels he deserves as much as I! Even though I am the great Auda abu Tayi and he is simply my cousin. Still, he is not a bad warrior and he is my cousin so I let him stay." 

"What has this to do with treachery?" Ali demanded. 

"It is a tale which explains all. I suggest you keep your mouth shut and your ears open and maybe, little Harith, you will learn something." 

Lawrence had his hand on Ali's shoulder before Auda had finished the sentence. "Not now, Ali," he breathed and it seemed to be loud enough because Ali stayed seated and said nothing. And maybe Lawrence kept his hand too long on Ali's shoulder but the heat of solid muscle beneath his fingers was intoxicating. 

Auda cast a final glare at Ali before turning back to Lawrence and relaxing. "As I was saying, Mohammed is a greedy man. And so, he had what he thought was a clever idea to get more money. Because he is my cousin, he is welcome in my tent and one day he took my seal. With this, he wrote to the governor of Maan. He said in his letter that he was unhappy and offered to desert Sherif Hussein's cause. 

"Of course, the governor of Maan wrote back to offer great rewards if we should fight for him." 

"Of course," Lawrence agreed. "The man who has the Tayi fighting with him is the man who will win any war." 

Auda stared at him for a moment, then shrugged. "We are great fighters. But Mohammed knew he could not actually turn the Tayi to another side so he demanded something on account. That was when I heard of it." Auda threw his head back and roared with laughter. "I was not happy with Mohammed and decided he should not prosper from his venture. So I sent men to waylay the messenger and rob him to the skin! Now, all the presents that Mohammed feels he earned lie in my tent and I will not share them with him for he has sullied my name. 

"That, my friend Aurens, is the story of the letters. You agree with me that it is a funny one, I can tell." 

And, indeed, Lawrence was smiling. "I can only feel sorry for the governor. He has no doubt already reported this triumph to his masters. How must he feel when he learns his great coup is worth less than nothing?" 

Auda's gaze sharpened again. "Indeed," he said thoughtfully. Then he surged to his feet. "And now, we have solved this misunderstanding and the heat grows fierce. I suggest you take the sleep you mentioned and later join us for dinner."   
 

* * *

  


After dinner, it was too late to start back and Auda was keen to offer them hospitality. He only regretted, he said, that his own tent was too crowded to provide them space. There was another tent, almost as comfortable and currently unoccupied. His gaze was filled with knowledge and Lawrence felt an unreasoning spurt of anger. 

Ali's face remained carefully blank as they stepped into the tent's cool embrace and began to undress for the night. "Do you believe his story?" Ali asked abruptly. 

Lawrenced blinked, startled. "Yes. It fits." 

"As it would if he had created it." 

"Could he have created a robbed messenger?" 

"We have no proof there was a messenger." 

Lawrence looked at him. "I received a report of it in Jidda. Did you think I would come here with only the facts, such as they were, in the telegram?" 

Ali was silent for a moment before the words burst from him. "I never know what to expect from you!" He continued sorrowfully, "You trust so easily." 

"No. My trust in Auda is altered. As he meant it to be." 

Ali frowned. "I do not understand." 

"Auda is unhappy. He feels he has not received his due reward. And so, tomorrow morning, I shall mention that his expenses must be great and that, perhaps, he would appreciate an advance of the great gift that Feisal will, personally, make when he arrives." 

"He is to be rewarded for threatening treachery?" 

"Oh, not just rewarded. He has been threatened as well." Lawrence's smile was filled with shared secrets. "You disliked my praising the Tayi earlier." 

"They are good fighters but not as vital as you suggested." 

"I was quoting from the letters. I had the text of them radioed from Jidda. Now Auda knows that he cannot conduct his traitorous schemes without us learning of them. And that, along with the temptation of the gifts he is to receive, will keep him loyal to us for some time to come. By that time, maybe, he will be fighting for Arabia and not for his own coffers." 

Ali shook his head in slow bewilderment. "You do not trust as other men do." 

"I do, Ali." And suddenly it was important that Ali knew he was not so different from other men. "I trust based on my knowledge of the man, yes, but also on my knowledge of the circumstances. I would not trust a starving dog to guard my sheep and I will not trust a bitter man to guard my cities. But a well-fed dog? A man who feels appreciated? Yes. They can be trusted." 

"And what of you, Aurens? Are you hungry or well-fed?" 

"Me?" Lawrence closed his eyes as he thought. "You can trust me to do what I believe will benefit Arabia. Beyond that, I do not know." He opened his eyes and Ali had moved closer. "I think I may be starving to death, Ali." 

Ali swallowed and Lawrence studied the movement of his throat. "Perhaps," Ali said, his voice hoarse, "we should feed you." 

His lips were warm and familiar against Lawrence's and Lawrence was filled with a fierce, burning joy as he held Ali close against him. 

 


End file.
